I often lay in bed pondering issues, processing insecurities, wondering what the next steps are or as of late, how can I demonstrate what it is to be a believer and follower of the One True God, the God of the Holy Bible and the Father of Jesus Christ. This can be a hard one for me. Why? Not because I am ashamed of the Lord, but because satan is an excellent manipulator and he knows how to play on my weaknesses and when satan is perhaps not involved, then I take over for him and allow myself to become defeated, offended and hurt. What does this have to do with demonstrating a life of a believer in Christ? I'm a person who often feels disliked, left out and at times down right hated and when I feel like this it's my natural tendency to want to separate myself from everyone. I love people, but for various reasons have always been rather terrible with small talk, or conveying my thoughts/emotions in a way that others understand my true intent. It's an easy downfall for a straight forward person like myself and a person who tends to be more serious then light hearted. I have always felt like I was lying unless I simply told things as I see them. Add to the straight forwardness, the terrible tendency (in my opinion) to talk first, then stop and think about how I stated things after, only gets me into more trouble. Ugh... In the end I get down in the dumps and want to run away, not from my life, actually I am very content with my life and where things are moving. I love my children and have a wonderful husband. I just want to run away from everyone else. If you don't interact with others then you are a whole lot less likely to offend, hurt or cause misunderstandings. At least that's what I tell myself in those darker moments.
Well, if I run away, then how do I demonstrate what it is to be a follow of the Lord? I don't, and running away accomplishes nothing. Plus, when I or we, don't learn to overcome the issues that plague us, they have this way of only reappearing at a later point, perhaps in a different situation. Each of us who struggles in areas like this (or other areas for that matter) have to learn to overcome. To hand our issues over the Lord and openly listen to His Spirit and how He may lead us. As I sit down before the Lord and talk to Him through prayer, I step away from the spirit of defeat. As I open the most amazing book ever written, the Bible, I get to read first hand accounts of the struggles that believers have faced since the beginning of time. Before long I'm reminded that I'm not alone, that the thoughts that are weighing me down and causing me to want to separate myself from others our my thoughts and not thoughts from the Lord.
While I certainly don't have the answers for myself, like how I should speak with others, and how to find the balance of being myself and sharing information I am very passionate about. What I do know is that step-by-step, with my hands locked with the Lords, He can help me. Even if I screw up, which I guarantee I'll do, I know that the Lord doesn't condemn me and instead is there to help me get back up from my fall and is there to encourage me to move forward once again.
If you a person who feels condemned, hurt, left out, alone, please first and for most know that you truly aren't alone. You do have the most amazing Father in Heaven waiting to help you. You have the most amazing words to read in the Bible to encourage you through those difficult times and if you'd like, whether you know me or not, you have me and I'll certainly lift you up in my prayers and encourage you in any way that I can. Any person who reads this blog is always more then welcome to email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) and share their thoughts or prayers requests.
Well, these are my meandering thoughts for this Monday morning. The kids are waking up and it's time to put the computer away. Hopefully there will be time later this week to share another posts. Stay tuned folks! :-)